Getting it Done Friday #3: Stop Trying to Be Super Mom

As moms, we constantly have to keep a game face on. We do everything just because we have too. After all, is there anyone else willing to do it? Moreover, each and everyone Super Mom wears that super cape and feels that she must be super all the time and every where. Super Moms are constantly trying to carry the world’s (well, almost) on their shoulders. The truth is no one can carry the world on their shoulders on a daily basis, even God, when he created the heavens and the earth rested on the 7^th day. It can really take a toll on a person and there will be plenty of tears when it does.

I, as a Super Mom, worry so much that it results in nightmare on an almost nightly basis. I wear my Super Mom cape and forget how vulnerable that makes me. Every Super Mom thinks she is invisible. We are not our mothers, nor are the mothers portrayed in Ozzie and Harriet, Leave It to Beaver, Donna Reed and many more. Nowadays, Super Moms have twice as much responsibility. We need to take care of our families and hold down full or part-time jobs.

I work full-time, do freelance document preparation work, attend school part-time working on master’s degree, and I take care of my family while my husband’s job takes him all over the country and involves 60 hour work weeks. (I lost count, how many jobs do I have?) Every evening, I start the second shift. Arlie Hochschild first introduced us to the concept “the second shift” in the late 1980s to define the domestic work that working women perform when they arrive home after their workday is complete.

Nobody can manage home and work life without having it take some kind of toll on them. Unfortunately trying to be a Super Mom can result in physical and emotional suffering and stress related conditions. Many moms try and sometimes they succeed and sometimes they do not.

Here are some Super Mom survival ideas that I have come across in my quest to be the greatest Super Mom ever! (I think, however, that title belongs to Michelle over at The Adventures of Super Mom.)

1. Find balance: Prioritize what is important, - your kids. One day they will be all grown up and you will be wishing they were children again. And who cares if your housekeeping suffers?

2. Think about your health and ask for help when you need. Remember to rest and take time for yourself. I have learned about having to ask for help the hard way, when it finally took a toll on me.

3. Live in the moment. Spend time with friends and family and stop worrying about what tomorrow brings. Enjoy your life and the time you have with your children before they are all grown up.

I am as guilty as each and every one of you when it comes to trying to be a Super Mom. I have read countless books on how to manage it all. Below are some recommendations that are my favorites.

Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Box: Cut Yourself Some Slack (and Still Raise Great Kids) in the Age of Extreme Parenting by Anne Dunnewold.

Dunnewold’s book is about creating a balance between family, self and work, also ridding oneself of negative thinking, perfectionism and control issues and anxiety.

You’re a Good Mom (and your kids aren’t so bad either) by Jen Singer.
Jen’s book is about the balance between Super Mom” and “Slacker Mom” and how to fall just somewhere in between. Secret One is the best - “Super Mom is Faking It”, and as Super Moms, we know that manage life as it comes.

The Secret Life of Super Mom by Kathy Buckworth is one of my favorite books, and I am constantly recommending it to mothers every where. If you are Super Mom, you will enjoy this Kathy’s book about how Super Moms manage their lives, and not necessary always in a graceful manner. Super Mom’s home is not the cleanest, nor are her kids the most well behaved. My favorite piece of advice is taking the kids out to eat. Let them make a mess, and sit back and relax. Let someone prepare the meal, clean and mess, and just remember to leave a good tip.

Well happy reading Super Moms! Remember, you are super!

Is your man gay?

Lately, one of my Google ads is a quiz about whether your man is gay. Apparently, mine is leaning between gay and not gay. Yes, I got sick of seeing the ad and decided to take the quiz. Go try it for yourself and find out whether your man is gay. (Paul at Adoption and My Two Daddies, don’t bother taking this quiz. Ed is gay so you are safe. :)) Before I start discussing the results of my quiz, I would like to say to those who wrote the quiz, you are so off! If my man was gay or close to it, he and I would actually be on the same page, and so if he was gay (or close to it), there would be harmony in my home.

So I made my way into the quiz and I see the following header “Nobody wants to think their significant other is playing for the other team, but anything is possible. Some men are in a committed relationship and living on the down low. Is there a chance your man might prefer the company of men? Take our telling quiz and find out if you're at risk for losing your man to the handsome guy next door.” So the question was asked and I disagreed.

Some of the questions asked include:

How often do you and your man have sex? This was the very first question. Now, what does sex have to do with it?

Has your husband ever dressed up in women’s clothing? Now what a stupid question. Just because a male is gay does not mean he would dress up in women’s clothing. A straight male wrote this quiz if you ask me.

How many gay friends does your husband have? What does having gay friends have to do with sexual preference? These people need to get real.

Has your man kissed another man? Now, how would I know that? What kind of kiss are they referring to?

How does your man feel about porn? Okay, ladies any man who says he is disgusted by porn is lying. He may be too busy or not that interested, but when that porn is right in his face, he will sit down to watch.

Which best describes your man's Internet habits? Look at these choices.

He gets online late at night after I've gone to bed.
He only gets online at work and for work-related projects.
He rushes home and gets online to check his personal e-mail after work.
I've seen some questionable sites in his browsing history.
He surfs straight porn but leaves the gay stuff alone.
What woman is willing to admit some of these? And I swear to you, a straight man wrote this quiz.

Next, on our list of corny questions. How many male strangers does your man have on his social networking sites? And the results were:
7% Too many to count
18% A couple randoms who "friended" him
45% None
30% My man doesn't spend time on Facebook, MySpace or any other social networking sites that I know of.

I offer no response to this one, but my man doesn’t know Facebook, MySpace, etc. Yeah, lucky me!

And my favorite question in the entire quiz.
What best describes your husband's bathroom routine when he's preparing to go somewhere?
4% He primps and preens for hours
9% He spends an average amount of time in the bathroom, but spends hundreds on products
72% He's in and out
15% When it comes to getting ready, he's like a woman.

My husband is part of that 15% and that may explain why he is leaning to both directions. I believe the words were:” Your man is really in touch with his feminine side.” Again, I disagree. If my husband was that much touch with his feminine side, we would be on the same page, now wouldn’t we?

Now, you try the darn quiz. If for some reason you are not seeing the banner on my page, go directly to the quiz. Let me know where your man ranks.

My Pal Scout Recall

This is Scout and my 11th month loves Scout. He sleeps with Scout, he plays and sings with Scout, and Scout goes everywhere. My Pal Scout is an adorable green dog with plastic decals on its paws. When the decals are pushed, the dog plays songs, speaks, barks, and even can be programmed to say the child’s name.

The Scout recall is a voluntary of about 3,700 units that were sold. The hazard is that the paws of the plush toy can be removed and apparently ingested by a child. Thus, they pose a choking hazard. There have been two reports of children removing the decals, including a report of a child ingesting a decal. Apparently, Leap Frog has asked that the toy be taken away from young children and that we contact them for a return and replacement.

So we took Scout away from the baby on Monday night and he was not thrilled. He spent the entire evening barking to let us know that he wanted Scout. He got up in the middle of the night and called out “Mama” and then barked to let me know he wanted Scout.

All I have got to say to is that Leap Frog better get their act together and send me a new Scout very fast, and they better pray that my little guy doesn’t notice that it is not “his” Scout. I am so tempted to hand Scout back to him, especially if he continues to bark. I will let you know how that plays out. Leap Frog - get your act together on this one.

For more information on the recall, go to the U.S. Consumer Product and Safety Commission website. You can also contact Leap Frog at (800) 701-5327 between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m. ET Monday through Thursday and 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Friday or visit their website.

Follow Friday #3 – Three Blogs I Have Stalked So Much, I Should Be Arrested

Here is another installment of Follow Friday. I stalked these blogs so much I should probably be arrested. I hope you enjoy these three as much as do.

Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy takes superheroing to another level blogging about RA every opportunity he gets and offering support along the way. RA Guy’s story is about the “Adventures of a superhero on his journey through chronic pain and debilitating inflammation.” Like most of us with RA, RA Guy was diagnosed in his 30s (RA is most commonly diagnosed in the 20, 30 and 40 age groups) and since this diagnosis, RA Guy has picked up a great deal of information about rheumatoid arthritis. RA Guy has dealt with the useless meds, the major aches and pains associated with the condition, and that all-the-time sick feeling, the depression, and finally learned how to manage his RA.

Part of that management included therapy and thus, the Adventures of RA Guy was born. Humor is a great medicine, isn’t it? Make sure you check out RA Guy’s 60 Second Guide to RA which gives the short version of what RA is all about and is something even SpongeBob would totally understand.

Here is video made by RA Guy about the RA rollcoaster and what an RA flareup is like.

I am Living Proof God Has a Sense of Humor Helene is a great example of “be careful what you ask for.” After struggling to have children, Helene and her husband were blessed with not one, but two sets of twins. Being a stay-at-home mom to two sets of twins has its challenges, but it is to the advantage of the rest of us, Helene blogs to keep herself sane. Helene’s recent memo to the bosses is one for the blog books, as I am not quite sure the bosses are old enough to read quite yet, but they will in time. Here is an excerpt from part 1 of that memo:

“I am proposing a change in my hours (don't you love how I make it sound as if it's your decision but we all know it's really not). I would appreciate not being expected to clock in any earlier than 7:00 am and I'd like to complete my work day by at least 8:00 pm, if not earlier. I'd also like to only be on-call at night for emergencies only, like when you have a nightmare in the middle of the night or if you wet your bed.....emergencies that do not constitute paging me: you have a booger in your nose that's not quite within your reach or because you're scared that your eyelashes are going to disappear if you close your eyes for too long. I haven't decided if "my butt itches" is considered an emergency....I suppose it depends on WHY your butt itches but, chances are, it's something that can wait until the next morning.”

For this and more great parenting advice, especially when it comes to time-outs at Helene’s, be sure to check out her blog.



Adoption and My Two Daddies Ever wished you had two daddies? I did, especially since my mother never let us get away with anything. Think about it, two daddies means getting away with twice as much. Well, Adoption and My Two Daddies is Paul’s blog all about his precious little Andrew. After 14 years together, Paul and Ed welcomed their son into the world on Christmas Eve 2007. Andrew is an adorable little character and if you did not know that he was adopted, you wouldn’t believe it. He is so much like Paul. I am sure he shares some of Ed’s qualities, but Paul is the one who blogs, the readers don’t know Ed all that well. Take a look at this video where Andrew is trying to eat all by himself. I could have watched this adorable little guy for hours. Andrew particularly melted by heart in another video where Paul tries to make a comparison between gay dads and straight dads. Andrew stole the show, and well, Paul, not so convincing. Paul and Ed plan on adopting another child, a baby girl, so stay tuned.



Well, here my three Follow Friday blogs that “I Have Stalked So Much, I Should Be Arrested” for the month of July. Make sure you check them out. What are your favorites?

Murphy’s Laws - Have you been a victim?

I am going to be AWOL for a few days. I am finishing my final project for my Constitutional Law course, but don’t fret, I will be back with my nonsense before you know it.

I am blogging about Murphy’s Laws today. You know: “If something can go wrong, it will.” “If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.” I have complained about Murphy’s Law before and I write again, because well, I am an expert on how things can go wrong at precisely the moment you need them to go right. Lately, Murphy’s Law refuses to leave me alone. It seems like if anything can go wrong, it will.

All I know is that Murphy’s Law should be renamed Mom’s Law and this is coming from an expert. How come five minutes after you change the baby’s diaper, the baby pulls a number two, and the odor is so bad that you have no choice but to turn around and change the baby because waiting for the daycare to do it is out of the question? How come your sick child always manages to throw up on the carpet in front of the bathroom? Or when you clean your home and it looks just perfect for company, but there are no shows, but the minute your kids tear it apart, the doorbell rings. A great one is when you are all dressed up to go out and a sticky or dirty hand makes it on your clothing. Children are attracted to your best clothes like a magnet. How come when you go to the bathroom everyone needs your full attention? How about the minute you set down to have a moment to yourself? The other ironic twist is that even though Dad is around, the kids need Mom.

Previous examples of Murphy’s Law That Have Forced Me to Be a Victim
• Your child gets sick and you have a presentation to give at work, and dear daddy is nowhere to be found.
· You are running late and you forget the children’s lunches
· The baby spits up on your shirt and you don’t notice it until after that important presentation that you were already late for and had to run out of because you have to drop that sick child off at your mother’s.
· The only time you find a close parking spot when you get to the grocery store is when you have none of the children with you.
· Your noisy neighbor (That stay at home mom that makes everything from scratch and has that spotless home – you know her. Yes, the mom with the polite children that look and act nothing like yours!) only comes over when your kids have turned your living room into Fort Knox.
· One of the kids gets sick before Christmas - right about the time you have run out of sick days and you end up having to borrow a vacation day, or two or three or in my case, four, from the upcoming year.
· How about when you send your child to school, knowing all too well, that they are sick, and praying the school nurse does not call, but sure enough, she calls the minute you arrive at your desk.

For more on Murphy’s Laws, check out Murphy’s Laws of Parenting HERE.

What about you? Have you been a victim?

Follow Friday #2 – Three Blogs I Stalk Way Too Often

Here is my second installment of Follow Friday. These are blogs that I follow for many reasons, but mostly, it is because I do not have a life. So without further ado and nonsense, here is my Follow Friday Three Blogs I Stalk Way Too Often.



YaYa Stuff Yaya and her hubby are on the quest to be parents and they have been trying for six and half years. They are currently focusing on adopting a child (or children) and from reading Yaya’s blog, I honestly believe that she will be an amazing mother. Take a look at this Friday Fragments post in which she shows us drawings drawn by the children she babysits and she takes an amazing view on those drawings. Yaya is also a comedian of sorts; just take look at this Wordless Wednesday post that will cause you to laugh your head off and forget to focus on your bladder (Depends, please). Last, but not least, this is the post that got me hooked on Yaya’s blog. I, among the hundreds of readers of Yaya Stuff, am praying for Yaya, her hubby and those beautiful children.



Funny how you can realize what an amazing person someone is just by reading about them, their thoughts, visions and feelings – Let’s all wish the best for Yaya and hopefully, something gives. Of course, once she is a mother, Yaya will be too busy to blog, but who cares; no one is more deserving than she is. I am going to leave you with a random thought from Yaya’s most recent post: "Random Thought Of The Week: Why is it the "new thing" for fast food places to put a computer game in as the toy? What happened to a cheap little toya kid could play with for a day or two? What the heck is a near 3-year-old supposed to do with a computer disc while I'm getting her lunch set out? In fact, this was her exact reaction when I said, "It's a computer game."



The Life and Adventures of Cateepoo Cathy is a wife and mother with rheumatoid arthritis, just like me. Cathy is my inspiration because she has been med free for quite some time. For me, Cathy and others who blog about RA, are helpful to us who are new to RA and to those who know nothing about RA who have a struggling family member and want to know more. Cathy has taken a med free approach to RA, which includes daily supplements of fish oil, Vitamin D, an enzyme, Primal Defense Ultra Probiotic, glucosamin/chondroitin, Zinc, Heel brand of Zeel, Inflammation and Spasm. Also, as needed Ultra InflamX shake. She is following a gluten/dairy free diet and minimizing grains, tomatoes, sugars and processed foods.



Take a look at Cathy’s five year journey with RA and you too, will agree, that she is definitely an motivator for others struggling with RA and other chronic pain conditions. I was particularly inspired by her recent post titled: My Many Lives. This is one you should definitely check out. Cathy notes the following: “That feeling is changing. I am beginning to see my life merging back into one. I feel this newness coming into my life. I don't know what it is but I sense it and I am excited by it. I feel like RA is going to be a part of it, but it isn't going to be my focus in this life. It is going to play a minor role. Maybe that is why I am excited. I am feeling strength and motivation to move into new areas of my life and not focus on just RA.” Thanks Cathy, this is inspiration at its finest. I hope Cathy does not mind, but I am borrowing this quote from the header on her blog. "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become." - Maharishi Mahesh Yogi



Frugal Antics of a Harried Homemaker Kristin thinks she is merely a stay at home, but she also, works in HR and takes on the following jobs that no one else is willing to take on: Laundress, Cook, Maid, Chauffeur, Baker, Nurse, Counselor, Teacher, Seamstress, Gardener, Bookkeeper, Executive Officer – MOM, and much more, I am sure. She is a mother of five and four of those are boys and any mother of boys can tell you that there is so much in the world you appreciate when you spend your days chasing after boys. The Frugal Antics of a Harried Homemaker is all Kristin’s daily routine with family recipes, frugal tips and, you know, that occasional random post that we all love to read.



Here is allabout Kristin in her own words: “I am a forty-ish stay at home mother of 5. Our 4 boys, the Musician, the Thinker, the Engineer and the Comedian were adopted at birth and our daughter, Princess Pat, was a SURPRISE. My life is spent keeping up with boys, laundry, a 2 year old, budgeting, and everything else that seems to pile up around our home all the while trying to keep joy in my life and remembering to stop and smell the roses.” Agreed Kristen, smelling the roses is important. I call it seeing the glass half-full, instead of half-empty.



Kristin’s most recent post is a yummy French Toast Casserole. Kristin had three left over hoagie rolls that were going stale so take a look and see what she turned them into. This is one the reasons I turn to Kristin, because, like an idiot, I throw out stale bread, but it is not very frugal considering the state of economy and the state of my bank account. Kristin also manages to keep me sane especially with this Thursday Thirteen post in which she shows us her clearly organized spice cupboard and lets us know all the spices she used this week. I was quite envious to say the least, but at the same time, I wanted Kristin to come over and organize my spices and my panty for that matter. Just let me know when you will be over so that I can pretend to clean my house.



*** So, here you go folks, my monthly Follow Friday post and my three blogs I stalk way too often. Click on the Follow Friday label to see my previous post. Feel free to comment and tell me about your favorites and make sure you check out these blogs. Happy Friday, Happy Reading and Happy Blogging!

Getting it All Done Friday (or Sorting It All Out Saturday): Fibromyalgia on the Job

I am a bit late for my Getting It All Done Friday post, but this is a good a time as any. (I can always call it Sorting It All Out Saturday.) Most of my followers know that suffer from fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis: two conditions my employers are unaware that I have. One thing that I always stress about suffering from these conditions or any chronic pain condition is that support and education are essential. I also wish that someone or something had warned me about pushing myself and ignoring my symptoms for so many years. One significant factor is that I am finding it quite difficult to hide my condition as well I did previously. I am smart enough to understand that my flare-ups are a result of a combination of stress, contorted positions and repetitive motions. While I can focus my own ways not to allow my condition to affect my job, I work in a high-pressure environment. However, other factors and persons are not in my control. You guessed it; I am in an administrative position as a legal assistant and I cannot control the stress that others bring with them; I can only train myself to respond better.

I have not yet concluded that it the time to approach my employers is here. However, I have taught myself ways to deal with my symptoms and not allow them to interfere with my work. Here are some pointers that I have come across in my research to make my workday a less painful experience.

• Give your body a break, especially if you sit in a sustained position or a job requires contact repetitive movement.
• Turn away from your computer every twenty to thirty minutes to relax your neck and rest your eyes.
• Get up and walk around to get your body moving and focus back on track.
• Arrange your work area so you have access to all the things you need so that you are not consistently moving.
• Pace yourself. Do not attempt to take on everything at once. Pacing and scheduling are very important.
• Make sure your computer screen is the correct height so you do not have to stress your neck to see your screen.
• If you talk on the phone a lot, a headset is a good way to keep you from straining and putting pressure on your neck and shoulders.
• Install an anti-glare screen for your computer monitor.
• Allow your chair to be your back support. Keep your arms at a 90-degree angle to your keyboard. Keep your feet straight and allow yourself legroom to strength your legs often.
• Make use of a document holder so you are straining your neck to see your document.
• Breathing techniques can so along way to easing stress.
• Getting up to stretch often and practicing movement therapies can go a long way in making your day less painful.

The following video offers some more insight on assistance that employers can provide and ways that employees can take control of their symptoms and manage their conditions.

Learn About Jobs for People with Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia can make one’s life difficult and it can put a strain on one’s career, but I am leaving proof that adjustment and understanding can go a long way. I am not required tell my employers about my conditions because I do not have a full disability. When and if I feel the time has come, I will. For now, I have fibromyalgia and RA but it does not mean that fibromyalgia or RA have me. I take charge of my life everyday and my job is my key to keeping it that way. RA and Fibromyalgia do not own me, define me or even change me. Yes, I have bad days and I have bad flare-ups, but I move forward and I listen my body. Sometimes it tells me to rest and sometimes, it tells I can on more. That is the biggest lesson of any chronic pain condition and every pain condition has roadblocks. There are times when you cannot knock those roadblocks down so you just have to find alternative routes.